Educating your Child by Hucking them at Birds -- Dad Quest

We're in an era in our society when gender roles are changing rapidly, particularly the idea of what it means to be a man. The traditional gender roles of women have been very successfully challenged, and women have gained a lot in terms of human rights and societal acceptance of different lifestyles in the past 100 years, but masculine gender roles have been slower to change. However, these changes have led to what some are calling a "crisis of masculinity". As the traditional role of the man as breadwinner and 'head of the household' has waned, many men are wondering what makes them relevant in today's world and what their role is in society. Then there is the rise of the concept of 'toxic masculinity', a sort of cultural shorthand for all that is considered harmful in traditional masculine gender roles, both outwardly to persons and society and inwardly to the man's own psyche -- emotional cauterization, ritualization of misogyny and homophobia, violence as a means of policing the boundaries. I can attest from personal experience that, even if you don't end up as a violent misogynist, many of the rituals and practices of the formation of a masculine identity seem to necessarily involve violence both physical and emotional -- part of why I rejected the masculine identity in favour of something more holistic and balanced which I am still even in middle age struggling to define. On the other hand, many worry about a creeping effeminization, or at least androgynization, of men and the loss of what is perceived as uniquely valuable about masculine identities as roles in society. This has resulted in a vigorous backlash both informal and organized against efforts to redefine manhood and the rise of the Men's Rights Activist movement, which claims to address the legitimate concerns of men that their rights are being eroded by a form of dominating matriarchy which is being entrenched in the state and society by the feminist movement, but which has also been accused of being a thinly veiled cover for misogyny and an attempt to roll back women's rights and re-establish patriarchal dominance.

Enter the idea of "ironic masculinity". You may have encountered this, for instance in the famous viral Old Spice ad, or in memes like this one:

On the face of it, it's a satirical mockery of the whole concept of masculinity, the presentation of an overblown image of swagger and machismo so extreme as to be ridiculous. But I feel like there's something more subtle going on here. After all, this kind of humour has become immensely popular; the Old Spice ad linked above has over 50 million views at time of writing and has been endlessly shared and parodied. This doesn't quite seem like the behaviour of a population that is sensitive about their masculinity, who feel like masculinity is in crisis and are pushing back on traditional gender roles. But there is something of a paradox in the idea of satire, in the fact that it makes mockery of an extreme while also giving cover to those who quietly believe in the thing the extreme is mocking. In a way, the sheer ridiculousness of the picture of masculinity being portrayed, the line being drawn as to where masculinity becomes obviously ludicrous, makes 'less extreme' but more traditional ideas of what is masculine seem more reasonable. After all, we obviously don't really believe that this is what a healthy, valuable, non-toxic masculinity is like. All of that worry about how men relate to women, society, and themselves may start to look itself a little ridiculous in the face of the reflexive rejection of such an extreme version of what it means to be a man.

Dad Quest is a kind of light metroidvania adventure platformer. I got it as a mystery game from a bundle of blind, random picks, and it was one of the more serendipitous finds I have acquired over the years; I had a ton of fun with it. It's a pretty calm ride, the kind of game you can easily play with a beer close to hand, and is not too long, although there is at least one unfair section of invisible walls that is intensely frustrating. At the beginning of the game, you are ushered into a scientific testing facility in which you are informed you are to be examined to see if you are fit for the extremely important, difficult, and dangerous role of becoming a dad and raising the next generation. (Feminists need not be angry; in preference to the default magnificently-mustachioed protagonist, you can instead be a female dad if you so choose.) You are soon given a kid of your own, which you carry under your arm in manly fashion as you run, jump, and climb around the various levels and obstacles. The primary game mechanic involves aiming with the right stick and yeeting your child at various enemies; you then summon the kid back Kratos-axe style to continue adventuring, although they eventually learn to walk and can return to you on their own. You will also be able to wield your child as a melee weapon, and they can gain access to various upgrades if you throw them through the windows of level-up stations. This is all quite hilarious, of course, as over-the-top violence often is, but contains a shadow of something more problematic, the way the process of father-son bonding often occurs in a context of violence, trauma, and emotional distance and castigation. (I hasten to add that this was not at all my experience of the father-son bond; my father is an absolutely lovely man, and the violence that I have spoken of in terms of a masculine upbringing came at the hands more of my peers and the media rather than family.)

In Dad Quest, the social role of 'dad' is fraught with almost mystical overtones. Dads are rare, and only those in peak condition can prove themselves worthy of raising a child. There are shrines to dads, and the system of government is based on challenging them to single combat (using children as the weapons, of course). Dads have abilities that normal people simply do not; as one NPC makes clear, you can't even defend yourself from the vicious pigeons, pigs, and weird floating eggs without a child to hurl at them. What is missing entirely from this game is mothers. There are women and girls aplenty, but if they have children, they are dads. The origin of children is obfuscated; if they come from anywhere, it seems to be the science lab. (Science, it might be noted, is traditionally seen as a masculine domain.) Are children born from wombs? If so, where are the mothers? Is it an oversight, an afterthought, or a conscious decision that the traditionally caring and nurturing role of the mother has been systematically excluded from the world of the game to give centre stage to the active, physical, exploratory, adventurous role of the dad who teaches their offspring the secrets of success by throwing them through plate glass windows?

On the one hand, this is all in good fun. It's just another silly example of ironic masculinity, a good-natured poking fun at the weird ways in which men seem to define themselves and their relationships to family and education. There need not be anything sinister read into the intentions of the developers. But gender roles, toxic masculinity, and the unsettling and turbulent changes taking place in our society are fraught topics that cast a long shadow on anything they touch.